have you ever said goodbye to someone? someone you're so close to, you even loved him\her like when you see this close friend, you wave hi. the person just walks away. walks away from you. walks away from your life. FOREVER.
okay. maybe not forever. but the feeling hurts.
i've lost 2 friends within the past 4months. really. and the feeling sucks.
and worst of all. when every song in your ipod seems to remind you of that person.
ahh well, i'm only 15. life moves on. and i guess i gotta make new friends again.
been listening to alot of hardcore lately. the only songs that don't remind me of anyone. but it makes me feel really bad. i don't wanna emo. but those songs make me feel emo.
can't help it.
WISH I COULD FORGET YOU...
have you ever thought about stabbing yourself cos you think too much? have you ever wanted to kill yourself cos you feel stupid that you felt like stabbing yourself cos you think too much?
seriously. i have those thoughts most of the time. and i swear i'm not emo. really.
man. sometimes i can't help it. sometimes i just think too much.
WISH I COULD TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I DID...
i'm sorry. sorry for everything. my two friends. i'm really really sorry.
FOR WHAT ITS WORTH by AMBER PACIFIC
I'm taking it in I'm holding it back I'm filling my lungs with the knife in my back But you kept going on just to make me feel like this Now that it's overI won't feel the same A broken frame with our picture is wasted I've thrown it away Losing sight You were all I had (all I can take...) I guess the jokes on me We missed our chance I won't forget As time will only tell where to go (Time will only tell where you go)Though I wish that you weren't breathing I still just can't believe You're gone... And I was looking for something But I came up with nothing Not a reason to leave or let this out But you kept going on Just to make me feel like this Now that it's over I won't feel the same A broken friendship was worth it I'll scrap any thoughts with your name Still I long for you to stay I take back anything We missed our chance I won't forget As time will only tell where to go (Time will only tell where you go)Though I wish that you weren't breathing I still just can't believe You're gone... We missed our chance I won't forget As time will only tell where to go (Time will only tell where you go)Though I wish that you weren't breathing I still just can't believe You're gone... We missed our chance I won't forget As time will only tell where to go (Time will only tell where you go)Though I wish that you weren't breathing I still just can't believe You're gone...
♥ MEL
10:00 PM
♥ Saturday, November 24, 2007
heyhey everyone.
i don't know what's up with me recently. i've been into the trying to read people's mind thing.
i swear it has nothing to do with the show HEROES. really.
i don't know what's up with me. really. my relationships with my friends.
SCREWED.
sometimes i just wonder: why are we like this?
okay. everyone, mel doesn't want to be emo. she doesn't want to hate anyone or whatever. but sometimes things are getting so complicated i can't function. those two friendship problems are only the minor issues.
ahh well. sometimes i scold myself. tell myself not to think too much. i feel like stabbing myself sometimes i don't want to emo all night
okay. for sure, mel isn't depressed or stressed. i just need time to think things through.
so many problems. so little time
♥ MEL
5:15 AM
♥ Tuesday, November 20, 2007
heyhey
soooo sorry. past few days been real busy and out of country.
hmm. don't wanna rant it all out on you guys reading this. tho some of you have already been victims ><
HAHA. anyways, just wanted to comment about my previous post. hmm. it was just a slight moment of anger cos couple of people went offline without saying bye to me.
hey marc! ain't entirely your fault though you did do that to me too.
haha. i'm not angry at anyone kay.
leads to the conclusion:
MEL IS NICE
okay, now repeat that 1000000 times or you shall be killed
♥ MEL
5:56 AM
♥ Thursday, November 08, 2007
PEOPLE WHO LOG OUT OF MSN WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE DRIVE ME MAD!!!! it happened more than once!
♥ MEL
12:32 AM
♥ Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Back me down from backing up Hold your breath now it's stacking up Etched with marks, but I can deal And you're the problem and you can't feel Try this on, straitjacket feeling so maybe I won't be alone Take back now, my life you're stealing Yesterday was over Today I'm fine without you Runaway this time without you And all I ever thought you'd be That face is tearing holes in me again Trust you is just one defense off a list of others, you don't make sense Beg me time and time again to take you back now, but you can't win Take back now, my life you're stealing Yesterday was over Today I'm fine without you Runaway this time without you And all I ever thought you'd be That face is tearing holes in me again but today I'm fine without you Runaway this time without you And all the things you put me through I'm holding on by letting go of you And when the memory slips away There will be a better view from here And only lonesome you remains and just the thought of you I fear it falls away Yesterday was over Today I'm fine without you Runaway this time without you And all I ever thought you'd be That face is tearing holes in me again but today I'm fine without you Runaway this time without you And all the things you put me through I'm holding on by letting go of you
YOU SAID WE WERE THE SAME
that song... is straitjacket feeling by the all american rejects.
lyrics are really nice. the strumming is awesome.
but whenever i listen to it, a wave of sadness overcomes. really, i don't know why. but that just happens.
for the people who have once been really important to me or are still important to me, there is a song that will always remind me of them.
here's the list: (sorry to those not mentioned here. maybe you could try sending me songs?)
evelynn -- a lonely september by plain white t's and face down by red jumpsuit apparatus [my tablemate rocks!]
reuben -- 一路向北 by 周杰伦 [don't ask me why. it just does!]
siying -- my heroine by silverstein [maybe cos of that 'dad thought you were taking drugs' incident? haha]
denise -- cable car by the fray [your colour-me tone?]
lydia -- 4ever by the veronicas [love ya forever, bestie! (: ]
caleb -- the unwinding cable car by anberlin [hmm, was kinda hard to pick out which one reminded most, cos there are quite a few, including the reliant k ones (: ]
my BRO -- between empty spaces by the sophomore attempt [be glad there's even a song that reminds me of you. haha, be nice to your sis! (: ]
WE WERE DIFFERENT
okay, for your information. there are actually many other people i wanted to feature in the list above, but i didn't wanna make things awkward between us.
and and, stop asking which bro i'm refering to in my posts. cos well, i have quite a number of brothers and sisters :D it's fun to have so many siblings cos you can bully them!
i was just kidding. when you have a brother or sister, you feel safer and more loved. cos as a brother\sister, they will care for you as if you are really related by blood.
YOU SMILE IN YOU SLEEP
okay. i'm going back on the topic of superficial again.
i disagree with what alot of people say.
most people will say: girls don't like guys who are geeky or geeky looking.
that applies to some people but not to all.
ERM. HANG ON A SEC i'm not talking about myself. leave me out of this. i'm only stating in general.
but really, for instance, my SIS watches tv, sees a geeky looking guy. and she'll be all 'yucks, who would wanna go out with him' another SIS would go 'hey, he's kinda cute'
black emo glasses the new trend? 'yar. it's damn ugly la. when guys wear they look damn nerd' quoted from somebody whose name shall not be stated. here's another: XX says: 'i dig guys who wear that kind of specs. so cute. is that called a fetish?'
see the difference? you might be thinking that the first girl is merely stating facts. okay, maybe yeah. but note the 'damn ugly' and 'damn nerd' HAHA. hey, i'm not picking on you, friend (you know who you are)
as for XX, she's crazy over guys in specs. seriously. i don't think anything is wrong with her. she's being honest. okay, the first girl was being honest too. but XX isn't superficial. (hey! i praised you! buy me lolly!) she goes for character more than looks.
well, err. my two friends, please don't get angry at me if any of these offends you. HAHA. i'm just using it as a source to prove my point: MOST PEOPLE ARE SUPERFICIAL.
YOU WON'T LET ME DOWN
crap, what's with all these superficial thing man. i've been going on and and on about for 2 posts already. okay, i promise i'll stop talking about it.
HAHA. at least you know what, i ain't emo anymore.
erm, okay. that's cos i'm writing this in the afternoon. normally when i do posts at night i will become really emo and you'll see things like 'kill me'
is this something called mood swings? haha, really. normally i'm okay in the day, listening to happy songs by amber pacific, we the kings, the academy is and so on.
at night, it's all anberlin, silverstein, red jumpsuit apparatus and hawthorne heights. emo is for nighttime.
YOU LIE...
hungry again.
song of today: SMILE IN YOUR SLEEP - silverstein
♥ MEL
10:06 PM
♥ Saturday, November 03, 2007
THIS IS HOW THE STORY ENDS
I promise myself everyday that i will become a better person the next. I think back what i do each day, and i'll think that everything i did offended someone or is a grave mistake.
Seriously, i ain't kidding.
What the hell. Honestly, i figured in my sleep that my stupid post yesterday was a complete waste of time. Only intended for humans with moronic birdbrains to read. (sorry if any of you actually read it ><)
It's always hard to get inspiration for a topic to write on. Unless you have a random friend, or in my case, a random bro.
a DONUT is not a frisbee. Really.
Try sitting in the park, tell your dog named doggy about the donut in your hand. YOU say: doggy, you be a good boy and listen carefully yeah doggy: WOOF! YOU: (pointing to the donut on your right hand) This... will be your frisbee for today. Understand, doggy? We're about to join the annual frisbee competition! doggy: WOOF! YOU: I had 20 bucks to buy a green frisbee, but i decided 20 bucks could get me 15 donuts. So i bought donuts instead. More worth it. doggy stares at you for 5 secs and when it finishes calculating doggy: WOOF! You explain to your dear pet dog that you will be throwing the donut-instead-of-an-actual-frisbee fribee a distance away and it is expected to come back with it. doggy wags its tail and shout 'WOOF!' translate from doggy language to english: 'bring it on!' You look far ahead and throw the donut as far as you can. As doggy runs after it, you sit back and enjoy a donut.
2 minutes later, doggy runs back. OH DEAR. doggy isn't holding the donut in its mouth. it couldn't find the donut? THAT STUPID DOG! you stand up furiously and say 'HOW CAN WE WIN IF YOU CAN'T EVEN FIND THAT DAMNED DONUT?' you decide to go look for it with your dog. you must be thinking, the dog has to be retarded. how can a dog not sense the nice smell of the donut.
when you reached the spot you think you threw the donut to, you realise your dog isn't beside you. DAMN! you're so angry you run back to where your box of donuts is.
tears stream down your face as you see your donuts gone. sitting on the bench, your dearest dog, licking its lips with it's wet pink tongue. screw this dog. you are going back to that pet shop to demand a refund.
but hey, you don't seem to realise something. this dog is a genius. you didn't think hard enough. when the dog came back empty-handed, it probably ate the donut already! like DUH. an idiot would have realised that.
conclusion: donuts are not meant to be frisbees and frisbees are not meant to be donuts.
a solution to that problem: send your dog for a donut-eating competition!
WOW. let's all clap for the genius mel! -.- there goes my ego again. could someone teach me how to be humble and modest?
YOU TAUGHT MY HEART A SENSE I NEVER KNEW I HAD.
back to the topic on donuts. donuts are blessings in disguise. really. for instance, that previous case. you and the retarded dog.
ahh. but let me give you another scenario. donuts are good.
imagine... you are queueing at a donut shop. you've been waiting for over an hour. when it finally gets to your turn, you see a really goodlooking guy at the counter. you give him your best smile but it doesn't work on him. aww... heartbroken, you turn to walk away with your box of donuts. suddenly you feel your hands are empty and there's a pain on your right shoulder. no prizes for guessing. you obviously banged into someone and dropped your donuts -.-
the person picks it up for you. you look up and see your geeky friend. he gives you a goofy smile. and offers to buy you more donuts. so touching...
and just like that, cupid strikes and you fall in love.
OKAY -.- erm, kinda exaggerated but hey, for someone who loves reading, you can't blame me!
i always read in books. the pretty girl goes with the handsome guy. and there's an plain jane kinda girl who has a HUGE crush on the guy and a geek who practically stalks the pretty girl.
let's change it to our style of talking. 4 characters: chio bu, hottie, mugger and er... not chio girl?
okay. there are four combinations of possible get-togethers
(a) chio bu with hottie aww, so typical. seriously. this world is damn superficial. so the chio bu will always be with the hottie. right? hmm, depends actually.
(b) mugger and not so chio girl another case to prove that the world is superficial. cos i don't think the chio bu will consider the mugger and the hottie consider the not so chio girl. then again, depends. but for now, let's just take it as that way yeah. yupyup, so... look on the bright side. at least the two ain't that superficial. they settled for someone they are comfortable with. doesn't have to be miss universe or mr universe or whatever.
(c) hottie and not so chio girl interesting combination. seriously, normally doesn't work. the books i read, it hardly happens. hottie, aka the most popular guy at school with a million admirers, will always end up with chio bu, aka the most popular girl at school with a million admirers. SERIOUSLY. this is so fairytale like. prince charming goes with cinderella. why not her step sisters? yeah yeah, maybe they ain't that kind or whatever. but hey, people can change right? this, again, emphasises the fact that the world is superficial.
(d) chio bu and mugger hmm, watched beauty and the geek? HAHA
anyways, think about this.
for the girls: which option will you pick. (1) tall slim guy with cool hair (2) tall slim guy with cool hair but is kinda geeky (3) not-say-very-skinny guy with cool hair (4) AWFULLY OBESE guy weighing 2000kg with disgusting hair erm, i ain't making fun of anyone yeah. no offense or whatever.
for the guys: (1) girl with a great figure and a beautiful face (2) girl with a great figure but not so beautiful face (3) not so skinny girl with a nice face (4) AWFULLY OBESE girl weighing 2000kg with a horrible face
think about it. i think i said that loads of times already. but really, let's face the facts
which girl would wanna be seen with a horrible looking guy? which guy would wanna be seen with a horrible looking girl?
"爱面子" that's all i can say.
I WANNA BREAK INTO YOUR HEART TO SEE WHY YOU WANT US APART I'M SCARED TO DEATH TO FIND OUT WHAT YOU THINK OF ME
whoa. i've drifted from my original topic. this is quite bad. and i didn't expect to write such a long post again. HAHA. ahh well. it's good to exercise fingers. if you need exercise, just take up your phone or start up your computer then start typing. SMS or MSN or whatever. seriously, i think my fingers are gonna break. just like my handphone's keypad.
kinda sad. it's new and already 9 keys have cracked )': i only have myself to blame. sms too much. and the bill's getting quite bad. and a sincere sorry to someone whom i have helped burst his bill almost every month. can't help it if we enjoy smsing right. lols anyone can beat the record of 2000smses a month?
this is a challenge for anyone: beat mel's record of 2000smses a month.
really, if you ask me how i do it. i tell you. i sms the moment i wake up. sms the whole day, except during meal times (i try not to) and bath times (don't want my phone wet! duh!) can go up to the rate of 3 to 5 msges with 5 mins and... i sms till i fall asleep. but normally i try to say goodnight before i drift off to dreamland. anyone interested in trying to cause me to burst my bill?
seriously, i've been crapping alot. and SERIOUSLY, i've been saying 'seriously' alot of times today.
seriously, it's good to do thing seriously and speak in a serious tone -.- that's the words of an absolutely bored person. and i'm so sorry for those reading this post. your eyes! hmm, at least thank god i didn't use white to type this. HAHA
PROMISE ME YOU WILL STAY UNTIL THE DARKNESS WILL FADE. I'LL WAIT FOR YOU
the songs of today: (1) my heroine - silverstein (2) check yes juliet - we the kings (3) fire away - atticus (4) red light pledge - silverstein
My Heroine:
The drugs begin to peak A smile of joy arrives in me But sedation changes to panic and nausea And breath starts to shorten And heartbeats pound softer You won't try to save me You just want to hurt me And leave me desperate You taught my heart A sense I never knew I had I can't forget The times that I was Lost and depressed from the awful truth How do you do it You're my heroine You won't leave me alone Chisel my heart out of stone I give in everytime You taught my heart A sense I never knew I had I can't forget The times that I was Lost and depressed from the awful truth How do you do it You're my heroine I bet you laugh, at the thought of me thinking for myself (myself) I bet you believe, that I'm better off with you than someone else Your face arrives again, all hope I had becomes surreal But under your covers more torture than pleasure And just past your lips there's more anger than laughter Not now or forever will I ever change you I know that to go on, I'll break you, my habit You taught my heart A sense I never knew I had I can't forget The times when I was Lost and depressed form the awful truth How do you do it You're my heroine I will save myself
Check Yes Juliet:
Check yes Juliet, are you with me? Rain is falling down on the sidewalk I won’t go until you come outside Check yes Juliet, kill the limbo I’ll keep tossing rocks at your window There’s no turning back for us tonight Lace up your shoes (ay oh, ay oh) Here’s how we do Run, baby, run Don’t ever look back They’ll tear us apart if you give them the chance (give them the chance) Don’t sell your heart Don’t say we’re not meant to be Run, baby, run Forever we’ll be You and me Check yes Juliet, I’ll be waiting Wishing, wanting, yours for the taking Just sneak out and don’t tell a soul goodbye Check yes Juliet, here’s the countdown 3-2-1, now fall in my arms now They can change the locks, don’t let them change your mind Lace up your shoes (ay oh, ay oh) Here’s how we do Run, baby, run Don’t ever look back They’ll tear us apart if you give them the chance (give them the chance) Don’t sell your heart Don’t say we’re not meant to be Run, baby, run Forever we’ll be You and me We’re flying through the night We’re flying through the night Way up high The view from here is getting better with you by my side Run, baby, run Don’t ever look back They’ll tear us apart if you give them the chance Don’t sell your heart Don’t say we’re not meant to be Run, baby, run Forever we’ll be Run, baby, run Don’t ever look back They’ll tear us apart if you give them the chance (give them the chance) Don’t sell your heart Don’t say we’re not meant to be Run, baby, run Forever we’ll be You and me You and me You and me
PROMISE ME YOU WILL BE THERE UNTIL THE RED LIGHT WOULD CHANGE. I WOULD WAIT FOREVER...
this has been real tiring. please wait patiently for my next post (:
byebye people ((:
mel won't kill herself anymore
♥ MEL
12:31 AM
♥ Friday, November 02, 2007
I CLOSE MY EYES. ALL I THINK ABOUT IS YOU
seriously man. i don't know what's with me again. today i came home from school, singing a song. JUST SO YOU KNOW by jesse mccartney.
AHHHHH. the world is turning green and orange and pink. and i swear i don't have multi-coloured contacts
damn it. seriously. what the hell??? MEL SINGING JESSE MCCARTNEY?? and that... that... song??
whoa. kill me. SOMEBODY PLEASE KILL MEL!!!
wait a sec, mel is not supposed to be emo. mel is not supposed to have suicidal thoughts. ZZZZZZZZ...
ahh, let's just conclude:
MEL IS A CRAZY GIRL SO PLEASE IGNORE HER OR YOU WILL GET KILLED.
wow. genius of me. to come out with that kinda conclusion.
WHEN YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES, DO YOU THINK OF ME?
the song deathbed is really really nice. i was just thinking about the past week. and i have alot of things to say. alot of things i regretted doing.
firstly, to TIMOTHY (i don't know if you'll be able to read this)
erm, about the smses... sorry if i sounded really spiteful. i think i had to be out of my mind to send you those. and whenever you sent me a msg, i tend to reply something ego back. sorry if that irritates you. cos i know it irritates others too, example my table partner. yeah, it's kinda weird talking to you and i didn't expect you to suddenly start msging me again. erm, sorry if i do make you feel awkard or whatever...
to all the people i EGO-ed to. erm, i know it irritates you. and i have no idea why i do that too. it's just... i don't know...
I'M SORRY EVERYONE. i think i've been saying sorry so many times.
there are so many other reasons i feel sorry. but i'm rushing for time, i'll probably state them in my next post yeah
♥ MEL
6:14 AM
ME ♥
MEL THE GREAT ♥
how many great people on earth do you know?
MELMELMEL ♥
17yo.
09.01.1992.
pei chun public school. class of 2004.
cedar girls seconday school. class of 2008.
anderson junior college. class of 2010.
