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STARRY NIGHT
♥ Thursday, December 20, 2007

heyhey you!

holidays are not awesome when you hardly have people to sms.
ohkay. there are tons and tons of people in my phonebook.

i pick random few.
some reply once or twice and disappear.
some take days to reply one sms.
some don't even bother.

everyone heads up! christmas is on it's way!
are you feeling excited?
are you feeling happy?

or are you feeling like me?
all mixed up and confused once again.

i've told myself tons of times to stop thinking too much.
but i can't.

and i hate being the 'confused mel'.
no one likes confusion.
not me, that's for sure.

sigh. somehow, i gotta keep thinking about stupid things.
things that shouldn't impact me this much.
things that i shouldn't think of.

hmm. the world is not unfair.
it's the people making things unfair.

when you want something, you ask if you can have it.
but you're really shy.
and when you know you can have it, you pretend you don't really want it.
and months later, you want it back.
but the thing won't belong to you anymore.
and no matter how hard you try.
how hard you try to prove how much you love it,
it'll never come back.
never.
ever again.
and you wish you could stab yourself cos you let something go.
something you wanted.
something you loved.
something you shouldn't have let go off.
a foolish mistake you made.
caused this total confusion.

hmm. that applies to humans too, actually.

when you start to not treasure the people around you that much,
you're sure to regret.
really.

MUTUAL
that's a word i used to hate.
like someone would say:
A is my friend. and A is also your friend. A is a mutual friend.

or:
i love you so much and you love me back the equal amount.
this is called mutual love.

well. i didn't believe in mutuality (if that's what you call it)
haha.
really.
but now i disagree.
to the person i'm trying to get this message across to,
hope you know that this is for you.

mutual. can't we stay mutual?
mutual friendship.
both sides must commit.
i'm not asking you to marry me or whatever.
i just want a mutual friendship.
a friendship where both of us commit and our friendship last forever.
okay, maybe not forever.
but at least for now.
this whole thing has been on and off. and i really don't know why this should even happen ><

gosh. it's not hard being friends, okay?
you just gotta tell yourself you want this friendship to work out.
and yes, it will.

i've learnt alot this year.
thru friends, best friends, all kinds of friends.

i shall move on to next year happily.
hopefully.

to the person i'm reaching out to,
hope you're reading this and trying to understand how i feel.
broken friendships aren't easy to fix.
but we gotta try.
i'm already willing to try.
are you?

sayonara (:

♥ MEL
5:07 AM