won't you love me too. it's as simple as that ♥

♥ Friday, June 13, 2008

Saturdays will never be the same
It's even hard mentioning your name
Lookin' back I don't know what went wrong
But suddenly it's like I don't belong
So how long must I wait?
And how long must I stay?
Please let me know how to live
Cuz I don't ever wanna feel this way
Again
Nothing seems to matter anymore
Why can't it be just like it was before?
I hate you for the person I've become
Take me back to where it all begun
So how long must I wait?
And how long must I stay?
Please let me know how to live
Cuz I don't ever wanna feel this way
Again
Let me know, how to live
Let me know
So how long must I wait?
And how long must I stay?
Please let me know how to live
Cuz I don't ever wanna feel this way
Again

How Long by The Veronicas

it's been a week since i last posted.

an emo post.

well, dont worry people.
im not emo today.

today is.... a normal day.
a day i will remain neutral.

i'll try.

the day didnt begin off really well.

thinking about things im not supposed to think about.
as usual.

and suddenly,
listening to this song by the veronicas.
i just feel like crying.

why am i always feeling so weak nowadays.

what happened to good ol' mel?
the one that will stand strong and calm no matter what.
the one who used to find crying very hard.

i swear,
its not only the lack of money thats causing me so much grief.
its not the problem with self identity.
it has nothing to do with me stalking people by reading their blogs secretly.

i dont even know why i feel like crying.

it has nothing to do with missing someone really badly....
or does it....?

whats the meaning of the word "FOREVER"

FRIENDS FOREVER.
i will be your best friend forever and ever.
we will share secrets.
we will share experiences.
we will share happiness and sorrows.
forever and ever.
we'll attend each others weddings and funerals.
wtf.

I LOVE YOU FOREVER.
i love you forever and ever.
we will always be together.
we will not separate no matter what.
we will go thru thick and thin together.
we will share all our joys and sorrows.
till death do us part.

LETS LIVE FOREVER.
we will grow old together.
we will grow white hair together.
we will play chinese chess at the park everyday together when we grow old.
we will die together.
we will meet in heaven.
we will reunite there and live there forever.
together.

is forever enough?

why does such stupid word even exist?

oh great,
i dont even know what the hell im typing.

why am i always like this.
why cant i just stop thinking so much.
why cant i just be myself again.
the mel without so much troubles.
the mel that didnt used to be so emo.
the mel that would smile everyday.
the mel that would cheer people up.

now its like,
people are all trying to cheer me up instead.

whats wrong with me.

"dont worry, everything will be alright"
thats what everyone says.

how can anything be alright?
in this fucked up world.

great,
now im turning stupid again.

this morning i was just telling my friend not to be emo.
emo is bad.

why the fuck am i being emo now.

MEL is a stupid word.

mel stands for Moronic Emo Loser.

ahh, thats me.
the moronic emo loser.

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BELIEVE.
believe in myself.
is that even possible?

whats the possibility of that being possible?

the smile that makes me melt inside.
kill me while i still believe that you were meant for me.

hearing this words,
i cant help but let my tears run down my cheeks.

listen to rough draft by yellowcard.
friends, tell me if you cry upon hearing it.

cos i cried.

the voice that makes me cry.
light up the sky for me.

i ought to slap myself.
how do i stop tears from coming out.

i just feel like hugging someone and let my tears flow out freely.

to just be myself for once,
let my tears flow out.
let my heart bleed till it bleeds no more.
till it turns to stone.

regrets....

so many regrets.
so many 'sorry's

its not good enough.
everything i regret,
how can i make it up to set my mind at ease.

we hoped for the best.
and let go of the rest.
shadows and regrets.
let go of the rest....

everything has changed.
faces stay the same.

the expression on my face,
never changes.
the smile i have....
never stays.

WISHLIST:

1. to be who i was back then
2. to be able to smile everyday without having feel emo a single bit
3. to be able to just stay happy and complication-free

nothing else matters to me.

i dont care about money anymore.
i dont care about my own feelings anymore.

i dont care about anything.

i just care that i want to be back to normal.

its all my own fault.
i started everything.
i cant let go of it.
i cant throw it away.
i cant get rid of it.

in this error,
i hurt alot of people.

the people who care for me.
the people who love me for who i am.
who i WAS, rather.

i am afraid.
i am scared i can never find myself again.
im afraid i cannot find my direction again.

i want to hide.
run away to a secret place.
so you'll never ever see my face.
ever again.

i am afraid right now.
what if i cant get out.
what if i dont want to be saved.
this is being afraid.
i hear you.
but i dont see your face.
why do we keep this up
why do we live like us.
when there is nothing left to save
will you be afraid.
i am afraid right now
what if you let me down....

save me.... from me....

remove these razors from my heart.
pull them out one by one.

fuck. another emo post -_-

whisper in my ear
"let my light up the sky. light it up for you"

♥ MEL

6:21 AM