won't you love me too. it's as simple as that ♥

♥ Friday, June 06, 2008

firstly,
an apology to two of my dear friends.
one is my dearest brother.
the other, my best friend.

im sorry things turned out this way.
or if i was the cause of this in some way or another.

and thanks for being so forgiving.
even though you have asked me not to be angry and that things are okay now,
i still feel really bad.
im sorry.

lest i forget,
i really wanna tell you guys.

i was really kinda stuck in the middle.
cos one's my bro and the other's my best friend.

well, i guess we shall leave this aside for now.
matters solved.

but life still sucks.

cut my wrist,
and black my eyes.

have you ever considered what is with those goths?

GOTHIC FASHION.

hah,
sounds cool huh.
the word 'goth'.

associating it with
- fishnet stockings
- black and red clothing theme
- thick eyeliner
- bright red lipstick
- long emo-y hair

oh wait,
that exactly describes a goth huh.

not me,
dont worry (:

EMO

what the hell is emo?
why do people feel emo?
why do i feel emo?

an emotion,
a feeling that i cant kick away.
it keeps coming back.
practically everyday, im 70% emo.

curling up in a corner and crying is not emo.

emo is when i dont feel like smiling.
when i dont feel like doing anything.
but lie in bed.
stare at the ceiling.
blast dropdead, gorgeous or lamb of god.

and i swear.
i get high listening to that.

please contain your shock, or excitement.
this is just the beginning.

i cover my face with the pillow.
think of ways i can kill myself.

then,
i click my ipod
and play a suicidal song.

i think about suicide.

i think about how life would be better thrown away.

i think about how the world would be better off without a fking loser like me.

the penknife doesnt turn me on.
i stare at my medicine.

if i randomly take some pills,
will i die?

or maybe i should just swallow them all.
and die of an overdose.

IM CONFUSED.

im freaking confused.
i dont know what im doing with my life.
its getting so complicated.
even advice from friends dont help.
im just so confused.

i dont know who i am.

i look in the mirror.
see this fugly being.
is that me, i ask myself.
then i feel this urge to slash myself.

WHO AM I?

i really dont know what im doing with my life.
i dont know what i want to do.
i dont know why im still living ._.

a beautiful smile, my beautiful love.

stupid itunes always playing stupid songs.
stupid songs that will make me cry.

they say its better to just cry out.
but the thing is,
i feel like such a heartless monster....
i cant cry out >_<

what is going on in me?

i feel like im turning into this person.
this monster, in fact.

its power consuming me.

eating up my brain.

taking me as its stupid slave.

i cant fight back.

cos im getting so absorbed.

commitment.
to studies.
to work.
to your passion.
to your family.
to your friends.
to that special someone you love.

is commitment really that hard?

i already know the answer.

this world sucks.
my life sucks.

i suck.

i hate myself.

im still asking myself.

who exactly am i...........

done on 5th June 2008

♥ MEL

6:26 AM